He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
