we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
