Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
