I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Porn is love you can see.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
