I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
