Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think we might need a safe word for this...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
