eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
