ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
