escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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