a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
