i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
