I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
