we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
