no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
