At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
