I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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