I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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