how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
