i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
