winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
