The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
