It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
