SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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