in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
