Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
