I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
