she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
