I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
