We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
