My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
