I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sober January is a disaster.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
