Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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