I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
