yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
