we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
