walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
