lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im holly from the hills drunk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
