Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
