I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
