She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
