Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
