btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
