Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
