glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
