grandma shit on top of the toilet
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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