just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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