If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
