I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
