i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
