At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
