I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
