I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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